"Hold your baby's hand instead of a bottle"

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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Where to begin?

There is so much to cover; I’m both excited and overwhelmed with all the information I want to get on here, but where to begin? Do I start with the most important facts? Interesting, startling, amazing articles and journals? Tips and products that can help those who need this information NOW, or should I start at the beginning, in chronological order? I think I will update this blog in the order of information and tips as I got them, along with my experience with breastfeeding and how I became inspired to create The Very Breast Thing.

I'll start with my story and this will help you better understand how and why I care so much about breastfeeding. I'm actually a little nervous and concerned that people will assume I'm one of those nursing fanatics (and maybe I have become one) but I haven't always been this way, and I definitely didn't want to be one of those kinds of women.

I knew my mother breast fed me when I was a baby, but only for a couple of months, still I have to throw this in because I think on some very deep level it matters. Maybe there is a study out there that can prove that women who were breastfed and exposed to breastfeeding are more likely to nurse their own baby.

Also, I want to clarify something right up front, before I became a nursing mom, I was never "anti-formula", and I'm still not (I understand that sometimes, in some cases, formula is needed, and I do not want this blog to make mothers who could not or did not want to breastfeed feel guilty, or that I'm judging them, or that I think it's wrong) but maybe because my mother nursed me I knew I wanted to "try to breastfeed" one day.

In my experience, a bottle was what you gave a baby. I never grew up watching aunts, cousins, friends of the family or women in public nursing. So when my friend from high school / now sister-in-law had a baby at age 25, and chose to breastfeed, I got my first up close look at how it was done. She made it look easy. She made it look natural. She sent me on errands to buy nipple cream, breast pumps and nipple pads for her, and I was honestly embarrassed to purchase them, hoping the cashier would somehow know these items weren't for me (in fact, I think I asked for a gift receipt). As shy as I was about the products in my hands, I was fascinated to watch my sister-in-law nurse her baby. I tried to give her privacy, but at the same time I thought this was so beautiful (unlike childbirth, which is not!) and so I'd peek up now and then and watch her nurse her baby. This, too, was probably a very large factor in my desire to "try" to breastfeed my own future children.

When I became pregnant, almost 2 years later, one of my classmates at UNCC was also pregnant. She asked me if I planned to nurse and I told her that I planned to "try to nurse". She told me I had to make a solid commitment before the baby arrived or else I wouldn't do it. To me, women were lucky if they could nurse. It wasn't about a choice, it was about fate. It was something I thought that didn't always work. You could try, and hope you would make milk and the baby would want to drink it, but don't be disappointed if it doesn't happen. My friend recommended a book called,
"So that's what they're for: Breast-feeding basics" and I immediately assumed that the book would show pictures but offer no real help. Either this was something that would work, or not, and reading a book had nothing to do with the outcome.

Before she had her baby she told me that if I really wanted to breastfeed I had to find a support group. I thought that was the lamest, most ridiculous thing I'd ever head of! I'm way too shy to go to some Breastfeeding course with a bunch of strangers pulling their breasts out and comparing nipples and latches! She also told me to purchase a "my breast friend" pillow which she said she wouldn't have been able to nurse her first baby without one. This sounded so miraculous that I actually bought one - and I'm SO HAPPY I did! (I placed a link to their website in my list of links below.)

Finally, my baby Ben was born (those three words require their own entire blog, which maybe I'll share another time), and I was very committed to "try" to nurse. I was beyond exhausted, in pain, emotionally drained, and then this screaming newborn wouldn't latch on. I had my breast friend (better then a boppy pillow) but I didn't even know how to hold this fragile, floppy, screaming little thing in my arms. Everything about this process felt awkward. I remember thinking This is nature's way - the best thing for my baby. Relax. Breathe. Then I'd try again. Screaming. Tears. More Screaming. Stay Calm. But there was nothing natural about this! "Take him away, he doesn't want me!" I sobbed to my husband. He calmed the baby down and got him back to sleep. I paged the nurse and demanded to have a lactation consultant ASAP, my baby was hungry!

Twenty four hours later, two lactation consultants, the entire team of nurses, after my mother and husband's assistance, and I still couldn't feed my own baby! At this point I think I hadn't slept in 3 days and I was sinking into a complete depression. My mother left and we were all alone. I heard my sister in law's voice echo in my mind, "You're crazy to have a baby so far away from family."  That 4th night in the hospital I finally got my baby to latch on, only it was a bad latch, and it HURT. But I didn't care. I wanted him to get that amazing colostrum. I wanted him to get food. I needed him to stop crying! After 20 minutes on one side, I finally unlatched him and noticed a small blister forming, but at least he was asleep. I paged the nurse and she brought some nipple cream. Had my sister in law gone through this? Maybe in a day or two I'd be cradling my baby and nursing like a pro, I just had to hang in there.

A few minutes later my baby began screaming again. My husband told me "Please, hunny, PLEASE just give him formula." His son is STARVING and my milk still hadn't come in. I looked up at the nurse, tears falling down my cheeks, and asked her what she would do if this were her baby. She said she'd substitute with a little formula until her milk came in. I gave in and wept while she prepared him a bottle of dairy based artificial baby food. (That is the scientific name for formula, and that was exactly how I'd come to view it after the little bit of Internet reading I'd done in preparation for nursing.) Little did I know that my son was intolerant (not allergic) to the protein found in cow milk called "Casein."  An hour after the bottle, his crying shifted into what we refer to as "level 3" screams, which my husband describes as the ear-piercing, shrieking screams similar to the unnaturally high-pitch dragon from Lord of the Rings. My husband, Nick, would say our baby's cry makes you want to stick a knife in your ear to remove your eardrum because when the screaming stops it leaves your ears ringing, the back of your eyes pulsing, and your head throbbing with a monstrous migraine. The word Colic didn't seem strong enough to describe our baby.

We went home on the 5th day of being in the hospital (I was induced and in labor for the first three days) and bringing home baby was not the beautiful experience I had anticipated. Nick went to the drugstore to pick up my pain reliever prescription and took his blood pressure in one of those arm squeezing machines while waiting. His blood pressure was so high the pharmacist told him to go straight to the ER because he should be in cardiac arrest. He didn't tell me this until a week later, but I could tell he was in bad shape and told him to sleep in our room while I locked myself into the guest room with my baby, my breast friend pillow, my nipple cream and my cell phone. That was probably the very darkest, hardest night of my entire life. Sleep deprivation can do horrible things to your mental health. Luckily, my sister in law came up the next day and she saved us all. Will save that story for the next blog!

1 comment:

  1. When I read your sister-in-laws comment about you being crazy to have a baby so far away from your family, I got mixed feelings. Yes, it absolutely helps to have family and good friends nearby to hold your baby when all that you want to do is...sleep. And, it's great to have their moral support and advice on transitioning into parenthood, but I also believe that it's just as important to keep your distance, and figure things out on your own. When you become a new mother, you open yourself up to all sorts of judgements and criticisms, even from well-meaning family and friends. (I've received criticism for being a stay-at-home mom). Ultimately, we have to remember to do what we think is best for ourselves and our children, regardless of what others tell us. Listen to your heart, do your research, find others who will be supportive of your decisions, and enjoy the precious time with your baby, no matter how frustrating or challenging those times can be.

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