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Saturday, January 1, 2011

It's not your fault that you couldn't breastfeed

Okay, I'm going to write something very risky, because I'm sure this is a touchy subject and I hope to say this as honestly, sincerely and delicately as possible. I firmly believe that it is not your fault that you couldn't breastfeed. Even if you chose not to try. Every mom that I've spoken to that didn't nurse their baby has their own breastfeeding story on how they tried and couldn't do it. Whether it's because your milk never came in, you got a mastitus infection, you got thrush, your nipples were too big / small or got too damaged, your milk supply dried up, your baby was allergic to your milk, your mother couldn't do it and neither could you, you were afraid of the rumors about pain and decided against it, you had no desire to do it, or maybe you are one who admits you wanted the freedom formula gives so that you can allow others to feed your baby and do your own thing, or you thought it was too much work and believed that formula is easier, or you had to go back to work and pumping was impractical, the list goes on and on.

For whatever the reason, I believe a lot of guilt is attached to most moms who "try" to breastfeed, but end up having to go down the formula route. Please hear me when I say it is not your fault that you couldn't breastfeed and though the reasons you give yourself and others for why you couldn't might be a contributing factor, the real reason you couldn't breastfeed was because you didn't have the support, knowledge and the proper tools. Had I not had my sister in law, and the committment I made because a supportive breastfeeding mother told me to make it and stick to it, or been given the creams, pads, bras, wedges, pillows, pumps, beeper stopwatches, and the repeated physical assistance from doctors, nurses, my mother, husband, sister in law, as well as the emotional and verbal support from my " breast friends" (I just created that now - these are the people in my life that supported me to breastfeed) I would not have nursed my son either. Maybe some women are lucky (like my best friend with no issues when it came to nursing) and breastfeeding comes naturally and painfree for them, but most women need help but aren't given enough of it or the right kind of help.

According to multiple studies, specifically obgyn.net, it is extremely rare for a woman to not be able to make enough milk: Q: "I have been told that anybody can breastfeed, is this true? A: It is interesting that in the mammalian kingdom, lactation failure due to insufficient milk production is a rare if not unknown phenomena. Yet, it is becoming clear that among humans, there are a small percentage who have not been able to make enough milk to support a baby; current estimates run between 2 and 5%. Among the factors I listed above, most are avoidable and/or reversible." . Do not blame yourself or your body if your milk never name in or you couldn't make enough.  Your milk probably never "came in" because you didn't know how to demand your body to produce it. The only way the body will make milk is if your baby is nursing for 15-20 minutes on BOTH sides every hour or two until your milk comes in. This can take days to happen. In my case it took 4 very long days. It is too easy to allow nurses, spouses and other family members/ friends to convince you to supplement with formula while waiting for your milk to come in, but if the baby's belly is full of formula he / she isn't going to demand milk production from your body. This is why my pediatrician states that as soon as you start supplementing with formula you begin the weening process. Now it is true that some women naturally make a plethora of milk and others always have a supply issue. But there are natural nursing teas and pumps that can be used to help increase supply. The lactation consultant I was working with in the hospital when my second son was born told me that she has helped many women increase their milk supplies from simple tips such as drinking lots of water and taking warm showers often. Most supply issues can be easily solved, if and only if the mother is informed on how to do so. The nursing philosophy is "use it or lose it."

My best friend had a mastitis infection while nursing both of her kids, one of them forced her into the ER to be treated with an IV and antibiotics, but she nursed through both of them and it didn't stop her from her commitment to nurse for a year. I too suffered an extremely painful mastitis infection while nursing my second baby. It felt like someone beat my right breast with a baseball bat. The skin was so sensitive to the touch I thought I'd need that boob removed. As it turned out all I needed was several hot showers, a warm heating pad, and to nurse nurse nurse. 36 hours later and it had passed.

My UNCC friend had nipple damage and had to use a nipple shield for 2 months to correct her latch problem, but she nursed her way through it.

My dentist nursed her baby for 2 years as is standard from the country she is from and when she had to return to work after her short maternity leave she pumped during the day and nursed at night.

A friend of mine desperately wanted to nurse her baby but wasn't given the support and tools needed and was too frustrated and embarassed to seek help. She ended up losing her milk supply and was then encouraged by her pediatrician to feed her baby formula. Had she known what she knows now about correcting nursing issues and increasing milk supply she probably could have nursed, and that knowledge is very upsetting to her. I know I've told her this before but at the time she tried her best, she did all that she knew to do, and she shouldn't feel guilty. This blog post is dedicated to any mother who wasn't able to breastfeed, for whatever reason.  Don't blame yourself. If you need to place blame, place it on the times we live in.


 A few months after dealing with my colicky son I discovered his intolerance to the protein Casein found in dairy. After eliminating all dairy from my diet his temperament changed and the crying and fussiness reduced to mostly normal cries (level 1 or 2) but there is the very rare percentage (less than 1% and I think they test babies for this in hospitals these days) that a baby is actually allergic to human breast milk. In most cases if the baby is sensitive to mommy's milk, it's b/c of something she ate (spicy foods, gassy foods, dairy, nuts, berries, etc).

For those that make the choice in the beginning not to nurse, well everyone has the right to decide what they feel comfortable with, but I honestly believe that if they did research and knew the benefits of breast milk, if they really educated themselves on the history of formula and why it replaced the art of nursing, they might have reconsidered their decision.

Generally, it seems most women want to "try" to nurse and feel some level of guilt when they feel they failed at it. I think it's because we all know it's what's best for baby, and every mother wants what's best for their child. I remember the pang of guilt as I tried to read the instructions on that can of baby formula powder and right on the label it stated, "breast is best" and how this artificial baby food was "closer then ever to breast milk."

Unfortunately, most of the reasons I list above that women give for not being able to breastfeed should not have been the end of their attempts to breastfeed. Every situation could have been handled differently or viewed differently based on the proper care and knowledge.

With that said, just because you didn't nurse or couldn't nurse, doesn't mean you can't make the commitment to breastfeed any future babies you might have or at least become informed enough on the topic to be a breastfriend and offer support to the next new mommy who is willing and wants to nurse her new baby.
"Back to the 70 percent of moms who initiate breastfeeding: "initiate" means they've tried it. Some women give it up in the first few days and weeks because they don't have enough information, because they don't have anyone to help them, or because they're encountering problems that, in most cases, could easily be fixed. You've heard various reasons from friends and relatives who told you they couldn't breastfeed. Just so you don't wind up thinking this is an innate ability only special people have, like being able to wiggle your ears, most women who "couldn't" actually could have. They may not have known this, and you probably can't convince them otherwise, but to be blunt, they didn't know what they were doing because they just didn't have enough information, and whoever tried to help didn't know enough, either. And that's a shame"(So that's what they're for! page 25).

The problem I have with women blaming themselves and their bodies for not being able to breastfeed is that it not only makes the mother feel like a failure, but it also creates this idea that breastfeeding is something that only some women are able to do. Please hear me, chances are, if you have the knowledge and support and all the tools available these days to make nursing as easy and comfortable as possible, YOU CAN DO IT!

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